I woke up feeling pretty awesome yesterday.
Sasquatch did not call, so eff him.
In my pleased state, I decided that I would shed my dreary and morose wardrobe and instead wear a lovely white dress and red polka dot shoes to work. The dress makes me feel better since it’s a sz 2 and fits…. except over my butt and hips, but I’m used to that by now. Freedom approves of my dress selection and suggests that I pin the straining buttons at the bottom of the dress to keep the fabric from flashing my junk.Whilst pinning, I stab the ever loving shit out of my thumb, hitting an artery apparently. When I decide that my thumb is good and staunched I go back to arranging myself, including smoothing my dress over my bum. As I go to fix a stray hair, I see that my thumb is covered in blood. As is my ass. So now I have bright red blood on my pristine white dress, and oh, look it’s dripped onto the button area right on top of my crotch.
I manage to get the blood off of my ass but have no time to take care of the stray droplets on the crotch, but blood be damned, I’m late-ish for work and they’re small anyhow.
They are not small, everyone notices my blood crotch. And comments.
Day goes by reasonably uneventfully. Work trudges forward.
The frigging sky opens up and pours its wrath down upon DC around 3.30pm or so. Freedom and I decide to go grocery shopping in the downpour. Freedom is almost run down by a shiny black Mercedes. She wacks the back part of the offending car, which unleashes a short and angry black woman who then hits my car >.> The second end of the grocery shopping endeavor ends at Trader Joe’s were we find that they’ve been robbed, or something. We went for veggies and our selections were as follows: bag of onions, watermelon, bag of lemons. Period.
Dinner with Samas goes well. Delicious faux General Tso’s. On the way home, the downpour starts again, this time I have to run from my car to the awning in the parking lot. In my thin white dress. As we walk into my apartment, drenched and some of us spattered in now day-old blood, I am shot death glares by old women, probably because I’m now wearing a transparent dress. As I close the door behind me the electricity ominously goes out.
Hurray for wet, chilled, bloody and dark.
by NeedToDestroy | Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments | RSS